Cosmic Retrograde Challenge… Celebrating Life…

After reading about Linda’s Challenge of finding something old and precious that we still have, to wear or use it for 1-3 weeks and write about the experience…  I thought it was a wonderful opportunity, for what I wasn’t sure of but wondered which treasured object would want to share this challenge with me… I didn’t have to wait too long… the following morning, I was looking in my wardrobe for something to wear and came across a beautiful colourful ‘party’ dress that I used to love to wear about 10 years ago for celebration parties… I took it out and hung it on the back of my bedroom door to be in full view… I then had the urge to go under my bed, into a plastic bag full of more clothes… I retrieved a tiny colourful party dress that I had worn for my uncles wedding and other family celebrations when I was about 7 years old and hung it next to my other outfit…

Wondering what on earth my experience was going to be with these 2 dresses… I was inspired to find photos of myself wearing them and carried them around with me for the next 3 weeks… trusting that all would be revealed at the appropriate time… Apart from looking each day at the photos and the real dresses hanging in my bedroom, I just got on with my life… I read a little about the Mercury Retrograde as I wasn’t too sure what it was all about, but did understand that when we allow ourself to work together with other forces, we can generate much power, instead of being frustrated when we don’t understand what is happening around us… Now Mercury Retrogrades actually has a bad reputation for breakdowns and faults in circuits… which made me think about my computer that hasn’t been sending out my outgoing mail for a while…  OK so I’ll just be patient and not get frustrated and angry at not being able to fix it… and TRUST that it’ll sort itself out or a handsome computer wizard will come knocking at my door…  Planet Mercury is about communication, negotiation, travel, memory, electronics and nerves… and during retrograde, planets appear to move more slowly, even stop and go backwards… so that we can take a look at the energies… reflect, revise and reassess our life…

OK… interesting… but what had all this got to do with my 2 party dresses…

I actually travelled for a few days during this period, to visit my family and friends in Holland and England, it is the end of the year and we have many birthday celebrations… we all had a lot of fun, love, caring and enjoying each others company… I did some shopping and came across a dream catcher, in the hope that it would help my dreams stay in the room each morning when I awoke… IAM dreaming big time… but didn’t seem to remember them, even when I asked myself to remember… but this last week with the dream catcher hanging up, I was able to remember bits of dreams… My dreams were inspiring me to go down memory lane… to take a DreamWalk (an expanded journey into my past)… to understand what my dresses represented… So one evening I went to bed early and took myself on a DreamWalk that I had recently read from one of Adamus’s channels from the Crimson Circle…

I lay quietly, consciously breathing and allowed myself to expand to a time and space that I needed to be and observe… The picture of me in my colourful yellow and orange dress as a 7 year old came to mind…  and I allowed myself to connect with her…

YES life was harsh, she had found it hard to be back in physical form and really wondered if she could continue to stay true to herself… so much drama, pain, weakness and distraction… but she also knew HOPE and that she was LIGHT that would forever shine, no matter what…

I was observing myself… sensitive yet so wise…

As she had got older over the years, starting school and mixing with teachers, friends and more family… she heard more and more the words… ‘this is the way it should be’… ‘you can’t do that’… and in order to please everyone, she began to block out her knowingness both mentally and physically… With her innate wisdom and light secure inside, she tried to be like others, conforming to the rules and beliefs of society…

She intentionally chose to shut down… 

She cried every night for a long time… nothing would console her… her parents were distraught for many months…  she was 7 years old and truly understood that she was totally shutting down… she could feel the anxiety within her heart as she thought about whether or not she would ever wake up from this moment… but deep down she knew that it wasn’t the right time to expose her true self… she loved her parents, her family and friends too much…

She was hurting…  the rawness of the wounds she was creating… the experience of bullying, angry parents not knowing how to console her and the trapped feeling she felt of wondering if the world would ever be ready for her…  She had taken on all the belief systems of everyone around her… she knew they were not her own… but she had allowed herself the freedom to fully live life, to fully experience the human journey of love and feelings… adapting to life around her, programming herself into the belief systems that made her experiences possible… the traumatic and difficult, the guilty and shameful feelings… she digested them all… to the extent of feeling physically breathless, hurt and at times alone…

I was there NOW standing beside her, comforting her, radiating my love to her… I loved her deeply and was so thankful to be here, sensing it all and finally understanding… My body vibrated with love and we connected as I saw her look to the side and feel my presence… The cells in my body vibrated crystal clear, the trauma was being released, we both gently smiled…  

Although my awakening had began in 1987 when I was 25years old… it wasn’t until my 41st birthday celebrations that I felt I could truly celebrate my full awakening… the time that I bought and wore my favourite ‘party’ dress in my second picture…  I was so happy, fully conscious of my feelings and connected to the world around me and wanted nothing else but to begin celebrating life… It was time to truly allow Barbara to dance, breathe and create to her hearts content…

Today 15th November 2013 I can look back with a big smile, understanding it all and feeling so light having released this trauma… that I had created at the age of 7… Today I can feel the wisdom of creating and taking on belief systems as my own, in order to be able to release them… even to use them for my pleasure and release them afterwards.  YES this is freedom indeed.. no-one is to blame, no mistakes were made… everything is quite perfect…

My knowingness and intuition had brought me step by step into my full awakening… remembering who I truly was… From the age of 41 I continued to celebrate life in a deeper way, getting to know Barbara even more… and now it is time to leave another chapter
of my human physical life… IAM ready to celebrate at my graduation party and in trust I allow myself to journey into unknown territory, as an ascended divine human being…

I thank my dear friend Linda for this wonderful opportunity to be able to understand and release this long standing trauma… and to acknowledge my celebration of my awakening… of my life…  Tomorrow you can read Lehua’s post for the challenge… http://amusingspirit.wordpress.com 

Barbara Franken
Inspiring New Energy Consciousness…